What Forgiveness Taught Me

The year was 1969. Cammy, a young middle school student, was waiting outside her school’s gymnasium for basketball practice. She was shooting hoops, marveling that she had made the team. While she envisioned one of those glory moments of a last-minute, game-saving shot, Cammy didn’t notice a group of girls heading in her direction. By the time she realized they were there, it was already too late. These girls were known around the neighborhood as trouble. Bracing herself, Cammy smiled and said hello. 

Well, trouble did find Cammy that day. And it went about as you would expect. Throughout the ordeal, Cammy had one thought going through her mind: “Should I fight back or turn the other cheek like the preacher said?” Cammy knew she could probably take at least a couple of the other girls. (She had four brothers at home!) Instead, she chose to take the beating, which only angered the girls.

It was a humiliating experience. Running into the school, Cammy hoped to find some comfort or help. Instead, the teacher she found told Cammy that she was foolish not to have fought back. Devastated, Cammy went home wondering if she had done the right thing.

It takes great courage to rise above bullying. When a child is violated, the next steps are the most important. Correction for the offender is vital, but what is communicated to the one hurt and abused is of equally great importance. Often the victim is chained to the offender by emotions and memory in a society where the mindset of justice and retribution prevails. There is a better way.

So, what did this young lady do? That night, Cammy reflected a long time. It was inevitable that she would run into these girls again. They had physically and verbally abused once already. What was there to stop them from doing it again? Then it dawned on Cammy with deep conviction: “I will forgive them. If I forgive them they have no power over me.  I choose to FORGIVE; I will not be a victim!”

Well sure enough, Cammy ran into them the very next day, right on her own street. As they surrounded her, the leader challenged her to fight. She refused. The leader screamed at her, asking why. With a very shaky voice, Cammy answered, “I forgive you.” Looks of disbelief crossed the faces of each gang member. Some of the other girls began to taunt, but the leader hushed them. She asked Cammy why she said that.  Cammy replied that she wanted to turn the other cheek–to forgive, not fight.

There is a lot more to the story that could be told. The most important is its ending. That one act of courage to forgive changed the course of life for each of those girls. They went on to become good friends. They stopped bullying others, dismantled the gang and became friends to many. From that group, one became a nurse, another a social worker, one is a school principal, and one is the humble writer of this story.

The power to forgive rests in the heart and hands of the offended. Let’s lead our young ones by example. Speak openly with your students and family about bullying. How do we resolve these moments of conflict in a positive way that helps both the bully and the victim?

Oh, you may be wondering about the teacher who told Cammy she was foolish to not fight back. She asked Cammy how she had handled the situation. That teacher later stood before Cammy’s class to make an announcement.  She told about how a student had said something that helped her to make a very important decision. With a wink and a smile at Cammy, she shared that she was moving back to Texas to work on a new degree. She became a social worker and child advocate.